Football transfer rumours: Fernando Torres to...

Barcelona desperately need a defender or two. So Barcelona are in for
a player whose best years were at Liverpool some seasons back.
They'rein for Daniel Agger, of course. Sorry. They're in forFernando
Torresof course. In the
how-to-outdo-Arsenal-in-signing-players-who-don't-fix-the-problems-that-are-effin-obviousstakes,
Barça are world champions. Apparently Tito Vilanova has been impressed
with Fernando's sulky sub performances for Chelsea and has a comfy
cushion on the Camp Nou bench for him to park his rear on. He'll
replace current sulky subDavid Villa, who is off
toLiverpool/Tottenham/Manchester United/Manchester
City/Arsenalfootball club.Chelseawill likelydump Torres
outsideNapoli's Stadio San Paolo, however, along with £30m and a note
asking for them to postEdinson Cavanito Stamford Bridge
thank-you-very-much.
Qatari lottery winnersParis Saint-Germainheard someone was worth £85m
yesterday. So, naturally, they're happy to throw the money at
whichever club wants it for whatever they're selling. Luckily for
themit's not a bag of spuds from Stoke. But that's enough of Charlie
Adam. It'sGareth BaleandSpurs. In fact they're going to pay £10m in
compensation and nabAndré Villas-Boasto replace Carlo Ancelotti as
manager first. You see, Bale's daughter, Alba Violet Bale, has the
same initials as AVB which, obviously, means it's an insult to her if
he doesn't follow AVB everywhere throughout his career.
If Bale does hotfoot it to PSG or Real Madrid, Spurs will have to
replace his GB initials in the squad. Today's Rumour Mill-monger would
be in with a shout if he wasn't crapat football these days and
contracted to a seven-a-side team in Holloway. So instead, £4mGareth
Barrywill step in. Probably quite slowly. You see,Spurshope he can
replaceScott Parker, who looks to have run around in circles for the
last time at Spurs. At 33, he probably can't take another innocuous
kickto the groin or ball in the face anyway. Unless it's
forSunderlandcheerleader Paolo Di Canio, who is interested. Spurs are
still hopeful that £36m will bring bothLeandro DamiãoandRoberto
Soldadotheir way from Internacional and Valencia.
David Moyes wantsCristiano RonaldoorRobert LewandowskiatManchester
United. He's not bothered who. He just loves his new comfy chair in
his Old Trafford office andthe fact that he can make inquiries about
such players without being laughed at. He may have to send a couple of
million euros the way of Bayern Munich to snaffle Lewandowski, though,
as they supposedly have an agreement with the Poland striker.But in
the meantime, he's going to sign theBenficadefenderEzequiel Garayfor
£15m. And then chuckleto himself at the novelty of it all.
Hubris'sNicklas Bendtnermay finally leave Arsenal. Apparently, five
clubs have made a £3m bid for the Dane, which isn't an awful lot of
money really, is it? Even for a Big Man who doesn't score many goals.
Speaking of which,Andy Carrollis close to completing a £15.5m move
fromLiverpooltoWest Ham, where Sam Allardyce is hopingto bringDemba
Baback on loan from Chelsea in the hope that at least one of them will
be fit each weekend.
Elsewhere,Aston Villaare going to spend £4m on theNordsjaellendand
Denmark defender Jores Oklore. After shambling around in the 4-0
drubbing by Armenia in midweek, hecould slip right into Villa's
patchwork defence unnoticed. Mark Hughes is going to pounce on free
agentDavid Bentleyand ask him to be free-flowing footballStoke City's
metronome next season. Having attracted no interest from Manchester
United– despite his best efforts –Yohan Cabaye's agent has sent smoke
signals to southern France instead, where moneybagsMonacomay get a
whiff and send £10m toNewcastlefor the 27-year-old.
Liverpoolare close to an £8m deal forSunderland'sSimonMignolet.
WithPepé Reinalikely to do one back toBarcelona.
"Let's all have an Isco," trillManchester Citybeancounters, who reckon
sending £15m toMálagawill be enough to get him parcelled up and posted
back to the Etihad.
Wigan foghorn Dave Whelan will interviewSteve McClarenandOwen Coylefor
theLaticsjob. Neither willget the chance to say anything so how he'll
choose between them, the Mill hasn't a clue.
And still no word on whetherTony Pulisisgoing to be the new Marcelo
Bielsa atAthletic Bilbao. Funny that.
Source : the guardian